The Boring Misadventures of Craig and Co
by MissusManic
Summary: We always hear about the stuff Stan and his friends go through. What about the...er...adventures ? of their rival group, Team Craig? Nothing too interesting I suppose... /Series of One shots&Drabbles Warning: Swearing, minor fanservice/
1. Bike

The Boring Misadventures of Craig and Co.

**Misadventure 1: Bikes**

* * *

It was a common fact that Tweek was scared of pretty much everything, so when he said that he was scared to ride a bike, they weren't really surprised.

If anything, they were pretty pissed.

All of them had made plans to go bike-riding the day before. And by all of them, that included Tweek. The same Tweek that waited the day after to tell them that he couldn't really ride a bike. Token couldn't help but face palm because, well, he probably should have known better. The twitchy spaz on a bike for longer than 2 seconds?

Pretty hard to imagine.

_There goes bike-riding... _He thought, because he knew Craig was not going to even touch his bike now. If they all planned to go bike-riding _together_, then they certainly weren't going to leave without one person. That was law. An uncharacteristic caring one, but law none the less.

Clyde was now directing all his exasperated whining [or what insisted was scolding] at Tweek, who twitched and squirmed uncomfortably under Craig's gaze. The one he gave us all when he was extremely annoyed at us.

"...We told you we were going bike-riding today!"

"I-I know! I'm -ngh- sorry! You can just go -gah!- go without me!"

"Yes! Craig-"

"No." That's all that was said, and Clyde's face looks shocked by his immediate rejection.

"No?"

"No. Do you need a dictionary?"

"No..." Clyde hung his head in defeat and retreated to the side of the couch to sulk. Token can't decide whether to comfort Clyde or discuss with Craig. After hearing a rather annoying whine though, he chooses the latter.

"So...What do we do now?"

Tweek flinches, brown eyes looking down at his nearly-empty cup of coffee. Guilt was starting to sink in. Thanks to him, they would have to change their plans on the spot. As if he didn't feel bad enough about being a bad friend...

Craig stares up the ceiling. A person can't really tell if he's thinking or daydreaming or just staring into the deep, white nothingness. For a long while it's silent. The three boys await an answer from their indifferent leader, Clyde going as far as to peek over the sofa, sniffling still.

"...We'll teach him."Clyde let's out an over-exaggerated 'Huh!?' which Craig responds with a pillow to the brunettes face. "We'll teach Tweek how to ride a bike."

* * *

They all knew this was not going to be an easy feat, but they didn't exactly think it would be this difficult.

"Gah! No! I wanna get off!"

"Get off on what?" Token stares at him, and Craig flips him off for making such a stupid pun in the first place. "What? I'm only trying to lighten the mood."

Craig ignores him and turns his attention back to Tweek, who was now looking around as if searching for an escape route off Craig's bike. "Tweek," Tweek immediately turns his attention to Craig, "You just got on the bike."

"Yeah! And now I -ngh- wanna g-get off!"

Craig gives him a look that states that he's not amused (though that may just be his normal face). Token stares nervously at them both. He's not really sure how much they can really accomplish from trying this. Tweek shook like a leaf on the bike, and he was grasping the handlebars so tight his knuckles were turning white. The only thing keeping him balanced was Craig, who held the bike so that Tweek wouldn't fall.

What worried Token even more was that it was Craig's bike he was riding. If they somehow managed to get Tweek to ride off, Tweek could most likely fall. And if he fell and got the slightest scratch on that bike, Craig was going to murder him.

Clyde would know.

Token smiled a bit, though the thought of Tweek murder made him anxious, and grabbed onto the bike from the other side. "You don't have to be afraid Tweek," he said, his voice coming out nice a calm despite his worry. "Me and Craig got you. If you want, we'll hold onto the bike until you're comfortable. Okay?"

Clyde, feeling left out, is suddenly behind Tweek saying, "I'll even stay behind you! So now you have support from all sides!"

There's a loud and audible gulp from Tweek. Hesitantly he nods his head. "Good. We're gonna move now, so push the petals." His nod is more furious this time as he positions himself more comfortably.

"Relax," is all Craig has to say before they start moving.

The bike is moved slowly at first. Speed was picked up gradually, sometimes slowed once more when Tweek had lost his footing on the pedals. After a while, Tweek's shaking had lowered significantly. The three boys nod at each other.

They finally reach the end of the block and help Tweek turn the bike around.

"Okay Tweek. That was pretty good. Do you think you can try by yourself?" Token gives the boy a smile for encouragement and gentle pats his back.

It takes a minute for Tweek to finally respond with a twitch and ever so slightly confident, "I-I think so..."

Clyde gives Tweek a rougher pat on the back. "I'm rooting for you Tweek!" Tweek rubs his back and gives Clyde a small smile. Then he turns to Craig as if expecting words of encouragement to come out of his mouth as well.

Craig only stares at Tweek for a moment before simply saying, "Live."

"GAH! W-What!?"

"Bombs away!" Clyde yells. He grabs the back of the bike and pushes.

Surprisingly enough, Tweek remains balanced and is riding off. Even Craig looks a little proud of himself as he watches the blond race away.

It isn't till' after Tweek was a good six houses down that Token realized something.

"Shit! I forgot to tell him about the brakes!"

* * *

**A/N:** _There's probably not going to be a lot of authors notes. Just doing this for the first chapter. First of all, this is just gonna be a series of misadventures with Criag's gang. It's just pretty much opposite of what Stan's gang goes through usually. _

_All I want to say is that, 1, please review. I really appreciate a good review on how I'm writing and suggestions for improvement. And 2, I'm also taking suggestions for misadventures they could have. It could be any age [though most preferably babies through highschool], and, really, it could be about most anything. _

_And that's it._


	2. Stripe Hunting

The Boring Misadventures of Craig and Co.

**Misadventure 2: Stripe Hunting**

* * *

Clyde and Craig would always be best friends. The only thing that would ever get in the way of their friendship would be Craig's guinea pig, Stripe. Because nothing could ever be better than Stripe in Craig's eyes. Ever. As Craig's best bro, Clyde understood that completely.

That didn't mean he never got jealous of the rodent though. No matter where Craig was, home or not, Stripe was always top priority. If he was at Clyde's house hanging out, Craig would immediately run home if he thought he had forgotten to feed Stripe. The raven's infatuation for his pet was so bad that he ran out on his friends. On taco night! Taco. Night.

It was just that bad, and it made you absolutely furious.

That didn't mean he purposely let Stripe out his cage! All he did was take Stripe out and see what was so great about little guy. He found nothing, by the way, besides that the little guy was pretty adorable. That was it! Disappointed, he put Stripe back where he belonged.

Thinking back, he probably should have made sure he locked the cage.

It had taken no more than 5 seconds for Craig to see the gate of Stripe's cage open and Stripe no where to be found. It had taken 3 seconds to go around and start beating on Clyde because he knew this was his fault. After a minute of that, Craig went to call Tweek and Token and report an emergency.

Both of them arrived in no time, breathing heavily from the hurry.

Clyde was the one who had to open the door because, by then, Craig was already frantically searching the living room.

"Craig! What's wrong?" Token asked, a mix of panic and confusion tainting his other wise calm voice.

Craig stood up from the floor, his face showing disappointment in that Stripe wasn't under the couch. "Clyde was a dumbass and left Stripe's cage open. I can't find him."

"It's not my fault!" Clyde yelled, only to be flipped off.

Token only sighed at the situation and rested a hand on Craig's shoulder. "Look, Craig, I know your guinea pig is important, but did you really need me and Tweek to help you find him?"

"You don't get it," Craig said with a seriousness that was almost silly for the situation at hand, "Stripe is a sneaky little fucker. He's practically a ninja."

There was a strangled 'gah' from Tweek, who started talking about how, "St-Stripe's a ninja!? Jesus Christ! Do you -ngh- know how sneaky ninjas are! We'll never f-find him!"

Tweek immediately has two hands over his mouth, and Craig's looking at the twitchy blond with a look that says, 'If you don't shut up I'll beat you here and now.' Tweek freezes because, though he's usually par with Craig in a fight, he has a feeling that there's no chance of him winning this time.

The group splits up as soon as Craig simmers down. Tweek gets assigned the kitchen. Clyde is to check the rest of the living room as well as the basement. Token gets Craig's room and the bathroom, and Craig searches Ruby's and his parent's room.

For a long while everything is quiet except for the sound of objects being moved and Tweek's occasional outburst. Then there's the frantic call of, "Craig!" from Craig's room. Craig quickly scoots himself from under his parent's bed and runs to his room to meet the eyes of a horrified Token. The blue skirt of Craig's bed is held up and his eyes widen at what he sees.

It was a mouse trap.

And it looks like it caught something.

Craig mutters a quiet 'fuck' as he goes to inspect the trap, and prays to god that it's not what he thinks. And it isn't. Both Craig and Token sigh in relief and give a small smile to see that what the trap caught was not Stripe, but just a mouse.

It's no more than seconds after that they hear a loud screech from the kitchen, one they familiarized as Tweek's. They run downstairs and catch sight of Clyde, who's running upstairs from the basement.

All of them peek into the kitchen to catch sight of Tweek standing on a chair, muttering, "Getitaway getitaway getitaway getitaway..."

And by the legs of the Chair was no other than Stripe the guinea pig.


	3. Long Day

The Boring Misadventures of Craig and Co.

**Misadventure 3: Long Day**

_Suggestion by SupremeBoredom_

* * *

Tweek's P.O.V

I always knew my friends were out to get me. But to suggest something as cruel as this? I knew they liked bullying me sometimes, but Jesus, this time it just reached an entirely new level.

"C'mon Tweek! It won't be so bad!" I'm probably making a scary face, because Clyde immediately backs away from me as he says that.

Won't be so bad? WON'T BE SO BAD? My 'friends' are basically taking away the one thing that keeps me going through the day! I needed coffee. I had over 7 cups of coffee a day! My body was too used to having it in my system! What if I die because I can't have any? Oh god, I'll die won't I? I'll die in my sleep because I didn't have coffee to keep me awake and the gnomes will come during their nightly raid and they'll notice I'm dead and take me with them to feed my remains to THEIR SATANIC GOD AS SACRAFICE. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!

Something shakes my whole body, and I jump up and cling to the nearest thing screaming my head off.

"Tweek! Calm down!" I somehow manage to hear Token say past my screaming. I abruptly stop to look at him. He's smiling at me, but it's a nervous one. Not his usual calming one I liked so much because it was just so freaking calming. "Uh...Tweek?" I can't help but give him a confused look. "You may want to look who's holding you."

Even more confused now, the first thing I notice is that whatever I'm holding onto is holding me back. My gaze turns to the eyes of Craig Tucker, who is staring at me as I hopelessly cling to his neck. There's a bit more staring involved before I let out a screech and he drops me.

The asshole pretends he didn't just drop me on my ass as he stuffs his hands in his pockets and says, "So. Do you accept?"

I want to just yell at them to go fuck themselves because I'm keeping my goddamned coffee today, but I can't. Every time I reject bets from them Clyde cries or teases me, Token makes this sad face that makes me sad, and Craig just stays all stoic and shit, which really pisses me off.

Besides, if I can miraculously stay coffee free for 24 hours, they said they would go on an all week gnome hunt with me. One day and they would come over at 3:00 am in order to catch those little bastards for one week.

"ACK! Fine! Challenge accepted!" God, please make this worth it.

* * *

Craig, Clyde and Token decide to stay at my house the rest of the day and sleep over to keep a good eye on me.

We're already long into this bet. I'm feeling the dumb effects of my withdrawal already. Everyone is feeling it actually. I'm shaking so bad the couch is practically the epicenter of a earthquake. Everyone is crowded at one end of the couch because they can all see I'm irritable and are probably afraid to get rabies.

The only one who'll occasional disrespect my boundaries is Clyde. He keeps fucking poking me. And he thinks it's funny how I stop shaking when he does and start up again when he pulls his finger away. He does it for like an hour before I snap at his finger like I really did have rabies.

Clyde's holding his finger, looking offended at that I just tried to bite it off. "Craaaaig," He whines, scurrying back to other side of the sofa, "Tweek tried to bite me!"

"Good."

He gives a pathetic look toward Token, who only smiles and says, "Well, you really shouldn't mess with Tweek right now, man."

He's right. I must look horrible right now. I'm shaking like crazy. I've been tugging at my hair like a bitch. I'm hugging a pillow and rocking back and forth. My foot is tapping to some imaginary beat. Oh god. I'm must look insane by now. But I have to endure. If they win, they have free access to Tweek Bros. hot chocolate for the rest of the South Park cold front. If they win, dad was going to sell me to Mexican rapists who'll take me down to the border and sell me underground.

"You okay?" I turn to the Craig, who has taken his turn to disrespect my boundaries.

I twitch, and my head snaps to the side. Clyde and Token wince. "ACK! D-Do I look o-okay?"

"...No."

"Th-then don't -GAH!- a-ask!"

Maybe I can just take my chance with the Mexican rapists.

* * *

I manage to calm myself a bit when I realize there's soda in the fridge. I hate the concoction with a burning passion, but it was caffeinated. There should be enough to keep me going for an hour or so. I grab a can and head back into the living room. The guys are clearing out the coffee table and sofa so that way we can lay down blankets and pillows to sleep on. We would usually just set up in my room, but Token so kindly suggested that I shouldn't have to worry about the gnomes so much during my coffee withdrawal.

Token greets me with a smile as I walk into the room. I give a small smile back. Hey, just cause I'm irritable doesn't mean I have to be completely unpleasant.

He eyes lock onto the soda and he laughs a bit. "Found a loophole, huh?" That's what I like about Token. He never takes things like this too seriously like Craig and Clyde. They whine and cry and get pissed when they lose. Token just laughs it off, showing good sportsmanship and all that.

I nod and go to open the can.

And one of the reasons I despise soda comes back to me. One moment I'm happily opening my soda, the next I have soda sprayed all over my face.

Every fucking time.

It's silent for few moments. Then Clyde cracks up laughing, rolling all over the floor and blankets like an awesome friend. Even Craig and Token laugh a bit, and I can't help but think they're just artificial friends sent by the government.

Then I do what any person does when facing withdrawal.

I flip the fuck out.

* * *

Token P.O.V

If there's one thing I now know about Tweek, it's that when you take his coffee away, his conspiracies go out of control, and his emotions go out of whack.

In just one hour Tweek had managed to call us government spies, gnome spies, worshipers of the gnomes satanic god, some-fucked-up-name-I-couldn't-catch, that Craig was some sort of ninja assassin and Stripe was his partner in crime, and they were both going to kill him, Clyde was gonna get so fat he was just gonna roll over us all with Cartman by his side. He started crying and saying how Clyde and Craig were just a bunch assholes and that I was his only true friend in our group.

I ended up holding him awkwardly in my lap. It didn't help that Clyde and Craig got jealous and did one big, awkward group hug. The hug ended when we all realized the Tweek had fallen asleep.

I was a little surprised, but I guess it made sense. Without coffee, he must have just crashed. I couldn't help but smile as I set him down on the bed sheets and covered him with one of the thinner blankets. Next to me, Craig watched at I tucked Tweek in.

I grin at him and say, "Don't be jealous, Craig." He only flips me off in response. Behind him, Clyde pouts and looks at Tweek's sleeping form.

"We're not getting our hot chocolate, are we?"

* * *

_A/N: Still taking suggestions. :]_


	4. War

The Boring Misadventures of Craig and Co.

**Misadventure 4: War**

* * *

On more than one occasion Tweek has ended up pulling out a clump of hair. It wasn't until the fourth time, when I had noticed a bald spot on his head, that I began to stop him. He'd reach up, and as soon as he grabbed his hair, I pulled his hands away. I never realized how often he actually did it though. It seemed like every second I was pulling Tweek's hands away from his hair.

Really, why wasn't this kid bald already?

Not long after, Token and Clyde got the drift of what I was doing. We all became a part of the 'Stop Tweek From Balding' campaign. If I wasn't pulling his hands down, Clyde was. If Clyde wasn't, Token was. Tweek always got pretty irritated at us for it. He appreciated our efforts, but us suddenly throwing our hands at him scared him shitless.

One time we scared him so bad he dropped the coffee he had in one of his hands. God, was he pissed. Especially since it was his favorite cup and we indirectly broke it. Clyde and Token were treated to heavy silent treatment. I, of course, got the bitchiest part of the spaz. Like always.

Every time my middle finger went up in its usual manner, it would smacked down by Tweek. The first few times, I was giving him weird looks. Then I was giving him dirty looks. Then I was pissed.

Then it was all out fucking war.

It was more than just attacks on his hands and my middle finger too. Every chance I got I scared Tweek. Pranks, false alarms, sneaking up on him, or using Stripe. If it scared him, I used it. At first, the war was pretty one-sided. I think it was mostly because it was undeclared, and Tweek probably had no idea what was going on. You know, other than that I was being a complete asshole, which wasn't new. I could tell when he realized though. When it became more than just slapping my poor middle finger.

Tweek did anything in his power to make me annoyed. He purposely woke me up when I was sleeping in class, switched out my hot chocolate for coffee (disgusting...), and even gave my an uppercut when I scared him. By the look he gave me, I knew it wasn't some damned reflex. At one point, he actually ditched Clyde, Token, and I during lunch and after school to hang out with fucking Stan Marsh and those other douchebags.

The bastard really knew how to push my buttons. He knew how possessive I can get with Clyde, Token, and him. It pissed me off incredibly when Clyde went to go hang out with Kevin or Token decided to hang out with Wendy or Tweek went to go hang out with Stan and company because he's somehow still friends with them. It irritated me especially when they did it without telling any of the others or me.

And would you look at that. He pressed two buttons at once.

We really only stopped when we got in an argument, and Token got mad at us. Trust me. When Token got mad or annoyed at us for something, it was a big red stop sign for us. It was also a sign for us to apologize, something I didn't really want to do. I actually thought I didn't do anything wrong. That was just my state of mind though. You know, I'm not called an asshole for nothing.**  
****  
**Tweek, though, didn't hesitate to start bawling and say sorry. Token always had that guilty effect on him. Then thanks to Clyde, Tweek and I had to do a sort of awkward bro hug.

It's been a week since then. We're all hanging out in Tweek's kitchen while Tweek makes coffee for himself and hot chocolate for the rest of us. When he serves it, I make sure to sniff it a bit before drinking it. Just in case, you know.

Clyde is teasing Tweek, and Tweek is getting nervous like always. Out of the corner of my eye, I see one of Tweek's hands reach up to his hair.

_Smack!_

_Crash!_

"GAH! WHAT THE FUCK!?"

* * *

_AN: I managed to squeeze this in during my last minute homework. _

_When I get to the next one, it's gonna be involving more of Clyde and/or Token. They need more love too._

_I also started working on a suggestion I received... which is I wanna write but homework and some writer's block isn't letting me._

_P.S. It's a big headcanon of mine that Tweek and Craig are assholes to each other. _


End file.
